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Sometimes in life, we fail.
Some of us more than others.
Life has a way of dealing you a losing hand of cards, right when you’re already down, doesn’t it?
I had the best of intentions and most ambitious plans when I first got started with this blog…nearly TWO YEARS ago. And as you can tell, this being the first post, I’ve so far failed at all of those.
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Even the best goal setting can be undone.
First to undo things for me was postpartum depression.
In a rare stretch of a few good days, I had a dream. A dream of a beautiful blog, someday grown into a successful business that would at least provide enough income to make my stay-at-home mom life a little less hard on our epically tight one-income budget. I mean, if I could contribute just a couple hundred buck towards groceries every month, I’d feel like a success.
(I also had a dream of being the perfect mom, and that went to hell for a little while, too.)
But within hours, probably even minutes, of deciding to commit and buy the domain and hosting as the first step, the voices crept back in.
“No one cares what you have to say. No one will want to read your blog.”
“You don’t have the time to finish the basics of your household, let alone try to build a business, too.”
“You’ll never contribute to the income.”
“You can’t do this.”
(And the worst one of all)
“You’re useless.”
I let myself fail before I really even got started.
Failure without trying is the worst kind.
After months and months of beating myself up inside my head, I finally started to get past that very long and dark period, and this blog crept back into my mind.
I thought hey, our son is a year and a half old, and I’m feeling happier, more organized, and more capable. Eric is making more money now so the blog doesn’t have to generate an income (although even that would always still help!), and I just feel like I still have something I need to accomplish, something I need to say.
It’s as if my heart knew to fight the good fight against failure, but my brain was saying no.
And still, I failed to start.
Cue our second massive curveball: a very unexpected cancer diagnosis for Eric.
On our daughter’s birthday – literally the day she was born – we got the diagnosis that we never saw coming.
Yes, it was like something out of a Lifetime movie.
No, we had no clue he had cancer, my anxiety-riddled fears (0r maybe, apparently, intuitions) aside.
Yes, it’s a day I both wish I could forget for one reason and never want to forget for another (8lb-4oz) reason.
Suffice it to say, it’s been a LONG few years since I became a mom.
Related: What A Difference A Year Makes…
But failure can eventually lead to success.
In spite of everything that’s happened in the last couple of years, here we are, still standing.
We have somehow managed to stay afloat financially (not without the help of incredible family and friends and a whole lot of unexpected blessings). Somehow we have also managed to stay afloat emotionally, although not without some very stormy seas along the way.
And despite feeling like a failure more often than not, somehow, I can’t explain it, here I am again, still with something to say.
The fact that that this blog even exists is proof that you can turn anything around.
I have a clear plan of what I need to change and how, that will help me stay on track to get to where I want to be.
Failing is what got me there.
But how?
Failure forces you to work harder.
But only if you let it.
Failure is ugly, messy, and painful. It’s hard to come back from.
But it’s also the most incredible thing for turning your tears into ambition and your dreams into plans. If you hate something, change it.
I’d been dreaming of a blog for over 2 years. It took me until 3 years had gone by before I really did anything. I had failed to be the mom I wanted to be. I had failed to be the blog/business-owner I’d wanted to be.
I’d failed to do anything that gave me any sort of self-confidence, self-esteem.
If not for my husband’s incredible skill of maintaining positive thinking in spite of just about anything, I’d probably still be there, wallowing, and waiting for something good to happen. (Thank God I had him to keep encouraging me.)
But now it’s time. Time to fight against failure. Time to let failure be motivation. Instead of complaining about what “I can’t” do, I’m going to strive to build my list of what “I can” do.
It’s time to live for another time. For the past. For the future. I’m not going to let old habits stick around. I’m going to stop sitting around wishing and start making the changes I need to make to start to see things go how I want them to go.
It’s time to stop dwelling on past failures, and do the work to repair them. It’s time to change my attitude and strive for success, to live the life I dream of living. If my past actions or thoughts kept me from seeing that dream come true, then staying the same won’t change anything either.
It’s time to try my hardest to never let failure win.
Today, I have a dream.
A dream of a building a blog that inspires others to live “for another time,” whatever that may mean – for a slower time, for a better time, for the future you’re building, for a long-past time that you want to get back to.
A dream of being better at learning from my failures; better at not letting them break me down.
A dream of being the mother I always wanted to be, raising good kids, keeping a tidy house, and living a happy life.
A dream that, someday, I’ll stop worrying about everything and stop living in fear of the cancer that has long since been gone.
Disappointments and failures are a part of life.
It’s an unfortunate fact, but one that we need to make sure doesn’t define us.
I won’t let a cancer diagnosis keep me in fear of the future; frozen, and unable to move forward towards my goals.
I can’t let past failures dictate what I believe I’m capable of in the future.
I refuse to let my lack of self-confidence (and it’s resulting failure to try anything new) be the reason my family never lives the life we’re dreaming of.
We WILL return to living our better days – when life was more calm, less stressful, and we didn’t live in fear of the “what ifs.”
We WILL build our lives into what we dream of – a simple way of life, where our money works for us (and not the other way around), where we can be less reliant on the world and more reliant on our capable selves, and where we truly focus on what matters in life.
And what truly matters is having less stuff, more love, doing more good, and encouraging those around you to live their better days, too.
Failure can make you stronger.
And I intend to let it.
I’ll let it be the catalyst that gets me to where I want to go.
I’ll get my finances in order so failures can’t hit me as hard.
I’ll minimize the “stuff” in my life so there are fewer opportunities for failure to happen.
I’ll build up my personal skill set and strengthen my defense against failure in the first place.
It’s time to succeed. It’s time to be happy. It’s time to start to realize my dreams.
Are you ready to join me?
No one is perfect.
Don’t let that stop you.
Use your past failures to motivate you – to never make that mistake again, to never let yourself feel that way again, or to never have to rebuild again
With this site, I hold myself accountable, and you too. Let’s do our best to move forward, and move past our past failures.
Let’s save our money and get our work done. Let’s raise good kids and be the person we always hoped we’d be – happy and satisfied, exactly where we are.
Let’s live our better days, today, and live “for another time” in this very moment.
Remember: it’s only a true failure if you never learn from or do anything about it.
If you dwell on failure and let it sit heavy on your shoulders, it wins. Let it define your path, leading forward and upward, and you’ve turned it into an unexpected success, no matter what the outcome.
All it takes is knowing that this is your moment, and it’s up to you to decide what to do with it.
And all those losing cards life likes to deal out? Toss them aside and hit your knees, then fight tooth and nail to collect a hand that’s going to win, every time.
How has failure gotten in your way in the past? How are you going to make sure that doesn’t happen again?
Leave a comment below!
Join our private “village” on Facebook, to connect with others who are fighting for their dreams to come true! Find us at For Another Time Village.
Roxanne- love your vulnerability and the message of this post! Our failures are the best education we will ever receive. Thanks for writing this!
My pleasure; I’m glad you enjoyed it!
It always amazes me, when you stop and think a minute, how many things seem bad at first but have that silver lining if you look hard enough! 🙂
I just love this article! You are true inspiration on how to dwell with failures. I agree when you said that failure is just called failure if we do not learn from it.
I was once afraid to fail to! I plan to have blog even before having kids but I was afraid I do not know how or is it even worth of time. Finally I got the courage to do so and I am not afraid to fail now, baby steps that will lead to success Im sure will be. Takes time I know but eventually will be there.