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Let me ask you this: are you a working mom, or a stay at home mom?
No, really, can you actually answer that question?
Probably not correctly, because yes, it’s a trick question.
In my opinion, we are ALL working moms. And before some of you get your panties all in a bunch, let me explain.
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Being A Mom Is Hard
And being a working mom is hard, too.
Regardless of whether you define yourself as a classic “working mom” – meaning you’re one of the roughly 71% of moms who work a full-time job outside the home – or as a “stay-at-home mom,” either way we’ve got the short stick on life responsibilities.
Sure, raising kids is rewarding. I wouldn’t trade all the little short-stack kisses I’ve gotten for anything, and I mean that.
But even though our rewards of motherhood couldn’t ever get a price put on them, they still kind of suck sometimes in the moment.
Kids are sticky, messy, terrible at organization, have no concept of privacy, and couldn’t care less if that piece of paper on the counter is your jury summons questionnaire, a report you spent 2 weeks putting together for work, or just a scrap piece of paper with your grocery list on it – they’re going to find a pen and draw on it anyway.
And because being a mom is hard and takes a hell of a lot of work, no matter how your day as “mom” looks, I think it’s actually fair to call all of us “working moms.”
Whether you work outside the home, work inside the home, or consider taking care of your kids to be your work, it all causes a feeling of guilt that we can all understand.
Working Mom vs. Stay At Home Mom
Every one of us moms, every single day, does our absolute best to raise our kids, keep them safe and happy, and try to make sure they become good people.
And I for one, am tired of the distinction between moms essentially being defined by whether or not you contribute to the household income.
In a society where one of the first questions you’re asked when you meet someone new is “so what do you do for a living?” it’s demoralizing and demeaning to imply the value of a person by the presence or absence of the word “work” in their chosen job title, especially when that person often busts her butt for everyone else for upwards of 16 hours a day without much time for herself.
Does that one word really even matter, when we really all struggle with the same mommy guilt?
Just because your boss drives a nicer car than you and doesn’t really care that you need to miss work again for a sick kid, doesn’t mean your job is any more or less demanding because you do get paid to do it.
Just because my bosses are under 4 feet tall and might crap their pants on a daily basis, doesn’t mean my job is any more or less demanding simply because I don’t get paid to do it.
I wish in my heart of hearts, that it was possible to have the term “working mom” apply to EVERY mom; to simply refer to all of us as “mom” without judgment.
I mean, let’s face it: if you do work outside the home and you send your kids to daycare, that means that SOMEONE gets paid to do the “job” of taking care of your kids. That means that as a stay-at-home mom, I don’t get a paycheck for what some other people do for a living. So why do we, as moms, constantly fight and judge over how another mom chooses to raise her kids?
Just because the word “work” isn’t in my job title, doesn’t mean I’m not working my butt off every day.
Every mom shares the exact same tasks across the board:
- Keep your kids alive, by whatever means necessary.
- Make sure everyone has clean clothes, a clean(ish) place to live, good food, and feels safe and happy.
- Don’t kill your husband when he asks yet again if you’re out of something and he didn’t bother checking the pantry first.
I mean, that’s about it, right?
Image via UtahValley360.com
Every mom also shares the guilt of:
- Worrying they don’t spend enough time with their kids
- Worrying that they aren’t being a good enough role model (because they do or don’t work)
- Worrying that they’re teaching their kids to grow up with the right priorities (work vs family)
- Wondering if she really is making the right choice to work/not work
- Wondering their choices in life make them a bad mom or a good mom
You see, we really are all just about the same when it comes to how we feel about being “mom.”
Working Mom Burnout – How To Avoid It
So now that we’ve established some common ground, let’s figure out how to all keep sane, regardless of what our days look like.
Mom burnout happens when you feel overworked, too busy to stop moving, and at a loss for what needs to happen next. But the good news is there’s something you can do about it, right now, to make it instantly get better.
There are a few ways to avoid the “burnout” that makes each and every one of us occasionally go crazy. Adding even just ONE of these hacks for busy moms into your routine has the potential to make you feel like a whole new you (and who wouldn’t want that?).
1. Meal Plan + Automate Your Grocery Shopping
You’ve heard it preached everywhere, and I’ll add my voice to that chorus. It doesn’t need to be fancy, and it DEFINITELY doesn’t do you any favors if it involves getting lost in Pinterest for hours, suddenly finding yourself looking at super adorable first birthday party ideas for your … much older than 1-year old kids. (You know you’ve done it; I know it’s not just me.)
If you haven’t yet, you NEED to sign up for eMeals. I’m not even kidding when I say that adding this $5 per month to my grocery budget has saved me hundreds of dollars on food every month. How? Instead of buying random ingredients and hoping I can put it all together into a few decent meals this week, I’ve got a specific grocery list, automatically built from the recipes themselves, and I can easily shop my pantry and freezer before I hit the store.
Oh wait, I don’t even need to go in anymore, because eMeals pairs with a number of grocery pickup and delivery services, like Walmart Grocery Pickup and Instacart, you can either swing by the store on your way home and have the groceries loaded straight into your car, or have them delivered straight to your door instead, no more in-store shopping needed!
Sign up for your 14-day trial of eMeals here, and then get started with Instacart Express for FREE for 14 days to see if it works for your family! When I say it has seriously been worth every penny to use these two services, even on our super tight one-income budget, I mean it.
2. Use Smart Mom Cleaning Hacks + Know WHAT To Do, WHEN
Maybe you grew up like me, being taught things like “the furniture isn’t truly “dusted” unless you do it with a rag and Pledge.”
Screw that noise.
Here are a few stupid easy hacks to get you started:
- Use the Swiffer dusters, if that’s what it takes to keep a dust-free house. Even 2-year olds can’t resist “helping,” so let them!
- Invest in a Roomba. It’s literally the only way I’ve managed to avoid opening a “Home For Retired Dust Bunnies” in my house.
- Put 3-5 garbage bags into each can at once, when it’s in need, and then emptying the garbages becomes a 1-step process for the next few times. A game-changer when you’ve got like, 2 minutes to clean before company comes over!
- Get yourself a couple of those trendy microfiber cleaning cloths (from eCloth, Norwex, etc). They really do clean pretty well, for just using water, and it’s MUCH faster in a lot of scenarios!
- Thaw meat in your fridge on a cookie sheet or in a casserole dish — you’ll avoid any leaking fluids and make deep cleaning the fridge way less gross. One extra dish to wash vs scrubbing dried on meat juice? Easy choice.
- Sign up for our newsletter to get access to a subscribers-only resource library, where you can get yourself a copy of a Master Chores List that’ll have you covered for WHAT and WHEN, for the entire year, both inside and outside of your home.
3. Get Help Whenever You Can
Whether that means sending the kids to grandma’s house once a week so you can hammer out some chores, or signing up for a subscription service to save you some serious shopping time, make sure to make your own life easier.
Why?
Because there’s no one else who’s going to worry about that for you.
For some of us, this means learning to both accept the help that’s offered and ask for it.
Yes, this might mean sitting down with your husband and rewriting the chores and responsibilities lists to be a better split between the two of you. Yes, sometimes old habits die hard, but it’s very much a good riddance sort of scenario.
4. Work On Prioritizing
You NEED to start shifting your focus from the EVERYTHING you think needs to happen in a day to the few things that are absolutely critical in a given day.
Even the dishes can wait. Really. The world will keep on turning, I promise.
Start thinking in terms of 2-4 things that you HAVE to get done before you can go to bed, and that’s IT for your critical to-do list in any one given day.
When your list is that short, it suddenly looks a lot less intimidating.
5. Learn To Let It Go
…Elsa style.
I’m sure you chuckled (or rolled your eyes), but I mean it. She walked away from responsibility and didn’t feel one hint of guilt about it. She had that gorgeous cape and just lost it in the breeze and didn’t care.
She knew she wasn’t going to take any more crap from these people who didn’t appreciate what she had to offer, and she also knew that simplifying her life was the way to go.
She’s my hero.
Learn to stop thinking that you have to live up to other people’s standards, to make others happy. The only ones that matter live right under your roof.
Put less on your list, accept that things will occasionally (or even often) go wrong, and just learn to keep walking on forward no matter what. It’ll all work out in the end, I promise. (Not to mention the extra time you’ll free up by having fewer commitments!)
6. Put Yourself First
I know it’s easier said than done, but you HAVE to learn how to put yourself first, on an ENTIRELY SEPARATE list from everyone else.
The old adage of “you can’t take care of anyone else if you don’t take care of yourself first” is absolutely true.
Yet at the same time, we’re told, for example, to put our spouse first because if we meet his needs he’ll meet our needs.
It’s a can’t-win situation, right?
Wrong.
Just like so many moms are capable of caring for 2 or more kids simultaneously, we’re capable of more than we realize. It’s all just a matter of balance.
The problem is that most moms also tend to shift the balance towards everyone else and ignore their own needs.
I recently read a book, The Other 8 Hours, that really changed my perspective on how I spend my time. The premise is this: You’ve got 24 hours per day, now split it into 3 roughly equal blocks: 8 hours for sleep, 8(ish) hours for work, and the last 8 hours for whatever you want. The author claims (rightly so) that the best moments in life happen in “the other 8 hours.”
But if you give all 8 of those “other” hours to everyone else and never yourself, you’re going to burn out. You need to find a balance for how your “off-time” is spent.
As I mentioned earlier in this post, if every day as a mom you put in upwards of 16 hours per day for those around you, where can you possibly find the time to catch a break?
I can’t tell you your ideal balance, but I can tell you to listen to your heart and you’ll just know when it’s right.
From Working Mom To Stay At Home Mom
If you’re struggling with being a working mom, you’re not alone — we’re all working moms and we all struggle sometimes. You’re a working mom at work – regardless of how you define that word – and you’re also a working mom at home; none of us is ever truly “off the clock,” are we?
So I’ll leave you with this:
Instead of thinking of yourself as a “working mom” or a “stay-at-home mom,” or even a “work-at-home mom,” start thinking of yourself as just “mom,” “wife,” “friend,” whatever word applies at that moment. Because in truth, you are SO MUCH MORE than whatever your job title is.
How do you find balance as a working mom, whatever your work entails?
Get the support you need from other moms by joining us over in For Another Time Village.
We’d love to have you!
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